Because relationships take both work and play, we craft a balanced approach that honors the innate goodness in all of us– the joyful flame of curiosity, intuition & compassion we are born with. Through learning together and laughing together, we can create the conditions– rich with the fuel of people, the heat of process, and the oxygen of possibility– to feed our fires.

Work & Play (& the SDW)

“Relationships don't thrive if we're too controlling and try to do the work to somebody. They’re also unsustainable if we're too permissive, doing all the work for someone. Intuition and experience suggest that with is the best approach.”

  • We know relationships take work. When things go sideways with a colleague, family member, or significant other, we talk about the need to “work on the relationship.” And that work should happen with the other person. Relationships don't thrive if we're too controlling and try to do the work to somebody. They’re also unsustainable if we're too permissive, doing all the work for someone. Intuition and experience suggest that with is the best approach, and research around the Social Discipline Window (SDW) supports this.

  • The SDW also offers insights for play, another important dimension of relationships. We play with others. Excepting some performative contexts— like music or manipulation— we rarely play for others or to others. Play is usually collaborative; we play together. And there’s plenty of research touting the benefits of a playful approach. Play is a proven way to bring trust, healing, and resilience to a relationship.

  • The interplay of work and play echoes Roshi Joan Halifax’s teachings about a strong back and a soft front. It also maps onto the Buddhist concept of a two-winged bird of wisdom and compassion. The through-line is balance. And counterbalance. Some situations will always require more work (more wisdom/a stronger back,) and some will invite more play (more compassion/a softer front.) The goal is a fluid overlap, where we can find joy in the work, even the hardest work, and we can be serious about playing.